Some kill-time tale

Tick, tick,ti-..

That's one sound you will always hear, whether you know it or not. Time, it doesn't pass us by. It bleeds you dry.

My names' John. No, my names' Charles. No, that's the name of my author. Then again, we're the same people. Person. But not every single thing I'm going to say is true, or illusionary  false. I, he, must be in a pretty messed up state of mind to be even writing this.

This is a list, a crafted list. This is today, yesterday, and will-be tomorrow.

Cheers

Everything is still. Not literally, but there is still much to do. He sits, staring blankly at the screen. Still-shot. Fingers on the keys, but nothing typed. Its two in the morning. From the back, one would imagine the setting of a mad scientist, a mess of knowledge, notes, strewn over the desk. But zooming out, the rest of the room is fixed in a geometrical neatness. Plain, is what one would call it; bleach walls, yearning for character. That was missing. No wonder people were so silent on visits. 

What If

Yes, I am, Yes, am here

And all I am become, cease to hear

No, it's fine, nothing at all,

And I will serve you minutes, hours, days, on a platter,

Years

I cannot deny, this is no favor

my debt to you, our debts to you-

My wallet, bleeds to finance it,

I breathe yet, for you

Three, two, one

Heir, to the throne

To three cheers for one,

The throne, alone

Rheumatism still,

But i always go to bed dry

brittle, your leaf

Tis these tears

I think I'm even crying for you

I came first, 

I am first,

right in front of you

but hardly seen

Seeing, seen, 

a reflection in my eyes

Or perhaps, through these inward mirrors

Do you desire to hold the hands of them behind me

It is strange,

Perhaps unfair, 

Yet the largest ironic debt

is chained to my neck...

I am your parasite,

I feed off you

and you know it

you give it

But I cry to question

Why do you do so

Really, why?

I am no fool

And I am no tool

And though I kneel 

as an armrest, 

There is always tomorrow

And This vindictive revenge will be mine-

Yours-

To make you feel the burn of your frost

And I will cry again,

because I'd hate to see you mirror my bleeding,

I am merely a seedling

Shelter me, because I am dying,

To you-

Scream at me, for screaming at you

for screaming at me,

for screa...

Tomorrow, your loss

Tomorrow, my loss

Later My remorse,

Later your regret-

I wish it were different,

I wish you'd embrace me,

hold me near-

Like you used to,

Like in my dreams

Winter stings all trees,

But I am a fallen leaf

And it stings to see:

Even in the white snow,

You'd make sure your other leaves never fall

But I wilt,

Even alive,

But I do not wilt,

for you-

I'd drop my heart,

to catch yours,

And the tale usually ends

with me returning yours

and nursing my void of broken glass

You dont need another pair of helping hands

You've got two to spare

Perhaps its not an extra need

Perhaps its about one less mouth to feed

Tomorrow, your loss

Tomorrow, I might be lost

Later I am cracked

Later you are cracking

I am here

...

I am here

...

I AM HERE!

DAMN IT!

I AM FUCKING HERE!

I AM HERE, And YOU DON'T HEAR

But I am here.

.. 

But you are breaking me

Because I want you to Love me 

like I see

Like how you really can

Because I love you more

Tomorrow a question

Tomorrow I could be dead,

Tomorrow uncertain

But let's look at today instead

Today I'm your son,

Today you're my Dad