Saj and Natasha sent me home, I was too weak to stand up on my own. I just didn't feel like moving, my body had become numb, light with the weight of a missing heart. I sat, slumped against the wall beside my bed, eyes swelled and in slits. My mother tried coaxing me into telling me what happened, but my petrified state outran her patience till even she began to heed Natasha's advice of giving me some time alone. Slowly, the wind started whistling, i had thought it was going to rain. But instead, I wass greeted with a thump on my head, it was the black book. The wind must have blown it off the shelf and it fell open to a new page. I had never came across this entry, but I was glad I did then.
(Entry)
I wish I didn't have to leave. But we can't fight heaven. I never allowed myself to admit it, but... WHy is it only after I decide that I have fallen in love that I have to leave? You know I love- (the last word was smuged, a tear?)
I began to cry again, pride had little to no value for me as I let myself sob and wail like a newborn. I wanted to see her so badly, I needed to see her, I had to tell her something. There were countless instances where I wanted to take my own life just so I could pay her a visit, permanently. But taking your own life only sends you to hell, the furthest place from her.
I misss you Saph.
Saturday, May 12
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