I fell again, while blading to school- thank God for guards- will blade again tomorrow, if I can wake up=) I don't wanna blade too often though, because it's one of the few times I get to sit and spend time with my dad, in his car while he's driving me to school. I feel like a kid whenever he does, and i like it. I do miss being the kid who daddy always looked out for. The limited freedom in the safe zone of your parents watching. I wrote a letter for my dad and I cried like a lost kid while writing it. Haha and I plan to let him see it only on Christmas, on http://charlestopapa.blogspot.com - though he doesn't celebrate it.

Early in the morning, I did something quite wierd. There's this girl, whom I have absolutely no clue about- except for her name. While walking to the canteen, I waved and mouthed a hi to. I must have been dead sleepy- because after I walked pass, I realised that I wasn't acquainted with her in any way at all and my "Hi " must have been absolutely awkward! She didnt respond at all - I think. HAHAHA

I went to the gym today and worked on my back- now i can hardly sit straight!- its so tired. Today is like work your body out to the max day because I bladed to school, worked ou, had floorball training, and bladed back home- HWOW! I'm still alive! HAHAHAHA- not funny.

Let me let you in on a secret- I easily like people- sometimes too easily

Yeap- here's some things close to the heart if some would call it.

I've fallen for a number of people, simply because they texted me get well messages when I'm sick, or sat with me when I was eating alone!

I conclude, It's the really little things, which you'd never think about, that have the biggest effect=)

I'd like to carry on on this post... but

soon I'll be typing zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

=)\\Nites!

Back to the aim

I think It's about time i sat down and did some soul re- evaluation. I am starting to appear more and more like some jack of all trades- for some reason, it's not something to be proud off as portrayed by everyone else. And I was thinking: I work out, i read and study- but  for what? That we'll explore later on.

My current CCAs: Touch Rugby, and Floorball

My current exam scores: U, U, S, U, E,  F (FUUSE- HAHAHAHAHA..... ok lame) 

Potential things I can do with my results and CCAs: Roll on the floor.

So right now- My life has come to a halt- I can't go anywhere, and I cant do anything about it until next year. Oh wells? Nope. Holidays do not = rest time for me. Holidays are the best time for Self Improvement! But I'm asking myself: For who? For what? How?

There are SO many things I wanna do and try- but It's about time I've decided what I really wanna do- what I really wanna try, and go all the way in it.

Music+ Work out+ read - I guess that's more than enough for the holidays

Why improve yourself charles? 

I wanna Start a school for the less fortunate in a less fortunate country/ I want to help my mum retire where she wants to (Italy- that's not exactly easily affordable)/ I want to help my dad retire where he wants to ( Decision pending)/ I want a happy family with zero money problems=)

What do I need? lot's of money- A Heaven lot of money

So how am I gonna get it? Score A's for every single test which treads cross my life

It's as simple as that Charles=)

About time!

Hey everyone! I know it's been awhile so... here i am! My exams were a tragic mess- i think so- its quite obvious. But yea, i gues it was my fault=) didnt study hard enough- played too much. Anyhow, PW is really draining me- so much for after exam enjoyment.

I would like to tell all my fellow friends and everyone else... to stop saying I have a thing for "K" (I use "K" so that the rest of the world who has no idea doesn't get a new one=) I liked her before i really knew her (I used to think she was a hell of a pretty girl (I'd give her that)) ... and I still don't know her (A few conversations don't tell you much really) so.... i guess you can't say it was much really. More like a crush. But it really was one- that's why in the card I gave her for her birthday, I said :" I find you're a really attractive person" and I'd like to get to know you better=D <-- ok? haha but it didn't happen cuz she was too busy + not interested (as told by my friend who was told by his friend who was told by K's friend who was told by her, herself.) But, fret not because it's not something to slice for because 1 i've tried and 2 it's no point crying over spilt milk (can i use it this way?) haha so don't for a sec think i'm "emo" over BGR stuff okai? because there wasn't a much of a "R" in the "BGR" here! haha cheers people!

To more important stuff, I think it is another year in Innova- and anyhow, as much as I'd hate to admit it, I think it'll be better that way. I've had all teh fun anyone should have in a JC already and completely jeapordized my studies- I'm a slow learner=) <-- can't help it... maybe. 

So anyhow- i guess i don't have much of a holiday ahead for me (Thanks to PW- though I am truly honored to be working with a  really wonderful team- I am really blessed=)- except for the overseas trips which I am truly very much looking forward too!=)

Self Improvement begins now! Laters!

That boat has sailed

It took me awhile to realize where I was, where I am

Pockets empty, a void for a heart, swallow my place, there and then

But fear not, maybe rejoice, Im walking quite well from where I began

I swear this was such an unexpected end

Fret not for it doesn't mean a wall

that's for kids with no sense at all

I'm walking quite well,

I'm not waiting for your call

I'm quite well, and it's a might as well

like how you'd just walk pass

does that ring a bell?

So that boat has sailed 

and I't's not sailing back

I dont look the part- It's a matter of fact

But fret not it does not mean a fault

And no more does it feel like a wound and salt

More like hand left empty

A dance by myself

And I waltz with a dream in a corner of  the shelf

I'll call it an idea which bloomed into a truth

The way I trip on my shoelaces made it a spoof

And the cold sweat, from the cold smiles

made it a rumor, and these feelings are proof

Farewell, as well, at least I've left a note

So at least you'll know about the sailing boat

Discovery of the century

This is how you can score an 'A' for your geography examination (or even qualify for a nobel prize)

What is the importance of the mantle in continental drift?


b) The mantle consists of both the Lithosphere and the Asthenosphere where the Lithosphere overlies the Asthenosphere, divided by the Mohorovicic discontinuity. However, though this is not answering the question, one must argue that it is not absolutely true that the “Mohorovicic divide truly exists. I do believe that this is one of the major flaws in the history of Genuine Geographical study. Mohorovicic could have been the name of the founder of this theory, maybe. But I dare say that if Moho was a man, who’s parents were geologists too, his parents must have been named Litho and Aestheno for him to be put in the middle. I beg to differ, that this man, cannot say what he has put forward is true, because he, has never been into the discontinuity himself. I am not saying I have, but the use of common sense has given me the visual image that there is in fact, no Mohorovicic divide, nor is there a lithosphere or an Asthenosphere. I believe, that they are all one, that they are, just simply, the mantle. You see, it is not possible to place a divide anywhere between the two spheres because the heat from the core diminishes slowly, gradually, as it gets further away from its source. For example, 200km away from the core, the temperature may be ‘x’ but 201 kilometers away, the temperature will definitely be less than ‘X’ where it can be any distance beneath the crust from the core of the earth. For example, if you turn on the oven and leave it open. If you stood 2 meters away from the oven, you would feel almost no heat. But as you take steps closer to it, you will gradually feel more heat being emitted from it until you eventually reach the source and burn yourself. But the point is, that like the oven, the core is the source of heat and its strength weakens as it gets further away from the core and that the temperature decrease is constant. It would make no sense if you could have a divide between the oven and yourself called the Hitachi discontinuity where you’d suddenly cook yourself after crossing a certain boundary. I however, will still give Moho some credit for his very well attempt in putting his name in history and call the new theory, which I have discovered with my fellow classmate, the Mohorovicic Gradual distribution. But for professionals who would rather address this discovery by its true name, they shall call it C.A.K.E., or in full, The Charles and Kevin Explanation. So, back to the question of how the mantle might be important in the processes involved in plate tectonics.

Thank You.

Morning assembly: Now we will announce the selected three groups for the Pop talentime showcase"
Me: Oh well... cant be us since there were already three names on th elist=/
Assembly man: ok ffirst we have: bla bla bla (i forgot who), led by lalalaalala (i forgot whom)
Me: Sad stuff... wish my group got in...
Assembly man: Next we have Trouble Cleft led by Charles Low from 0741C.
Me: What in the world did that man just say?


WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! hahahahah yupp WE MADE IT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we practiced on sat and changed the song/ songs and and and I CANT WAIT FOR TML!!!!!!!!!! HOPE THE REHERSAAL GOES GOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wish me luck=)

I have to blog something today...
where do i start... mm
I guess the latest peice of news is that I had a crush on this girl in school. I gotta admit it. And I conclude its just a crush, well at least started off as one, since I started liking her way before I even got to know her.(Dont make sense yea? well It didnt to me=)
So her birthday just passed and I made a lil gift (which took a lil more than eight hours to make) and I was really really really happy I did it! I just wanted to see a smile and her 'I had hoped to be estatic' reaction=D But... though I didnt really expect much of a reaction... I was suprised that I didnt get half a reaction at all..

Wow! haha yea... your welcome anyhow.

Getting a half hearted reply can be frustrating sometimes... but that'll do anyday when you're getting non at all=)

And well, the last thing I gotta say today, is that If someone wants to tell me something like.. for example, Im not interested, it's always easier to say it to me(through sms, call, or mail- call's best.. or even face to face!) than to tell your friend to tell her friend to tell my friend to tell me.

Cheers!

I've been thinking...

Alot about NS... and well, apart from teh fact that I'd love to be a pilot and I completely dont mind their Jungle trails and harsh living, I cant get over my fear of heights (so much for pilot huh?) I reeeallly dont wanna do reservice for the years after because I know I can do much more AND I still cant get over the fact that I have to serve NS before becoming a British citizen (I dont wanna call any government gay... but..) I mean, dont get me wrong... Singapore, is with no doubt one of the most sophisticated cities in the world and Iove living here.

ANyhow, today we entered the POP talentime showcase auditions and.... We have no idea of the results yet!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

not funny.

HAHAHAHA


CHeers!

Random thought=)

I cant believe that's how I'm supposed to conclude it

And I'm supposed to infer the silence?

Didn't that mean something?

AHAHHA are you serious?

No more was it about the things she said, I heard from you
Now its more of what she didn't say, what you didn't do

Should I cry or merely weep
In thoughts so deep, now I must sleep.

Nites mum.

Oh man! It's been a pretty long time since I've last updated my blog from what i see! Anyhow, life's been pretty the usual- nothing bad happened so far. Nothin' really good too.

I took a look at my friendster profile and thought: 'That's a long time ago' hahah jokes! yea it was. I guess most of the stuff there still applies but here's an update of my life!

After this short- uneventful holiday, I'm gonna step into a new lifestyle- just to see how it goes. And no, i have no idea how healthy it is for both body and soul... but what the heck eh? hahaha like i said- we'll see!

On mondays- I'm gonna really burn those neurons in school till around 6 thirds before I run it home to slip into my un-school uniform to breathe in the early morning air! Yeap, time for the night life! But of course this form hof relaxation has to be earned with my unhindered concentration in school.

I've got touch Rugby on tuesdays so... you do the math= Home sleep- Wednesday.

Wednesday is study day again- till about five thirds before I run it home and... night life? I've yet to decide... c'mon sam! NEXT WEEK!

Thursday is concluded with touch training and Music to fill in the gaps

Friday is untouched... yet. so fill me up!

Sat nights I'm floorballing with Feat-G and probably working out- probably=)

Sundays are Alleluia (is that how you spell it) days, lunch with mum and gramps and the aunts and runnnin it home to prepare for the next week of school.

My mid course hasn't even started and I'm already planning for the holidays- call me insane- and i'd probably agree.

So many things I wanna do!

but yea that'll be on another post=)

And please people, I was born on teh 22nd of july so my birthday is over!
Cheers!

gotta sleep now.


zeds

WOW! what a week. So tiring 'arhxz'
haha oh wells, touch tournament was just yesterday... and it was really fun! haha yeap. Though we didnt win- at all, the experience was great. Hey! haha and we did considerably well for a team which only practiced together only once. Anyhow, one last one for flooball and FREEDOM! I can finally start studyin and doing all the other stuff I wa- nah... hahaha studyin first will do yea? hahaha. Anyhow, I must say, this ""passerby" person did shed some sense to me so- thanks!

I let my brother try floorball- and he liked it! haha finaally!- Something to do with them on the weekends!

My legs have been jelly the whole day from fatigue!

In the cab home, the driver missed a turn and hit the breaks all of a sudden- causing the cab to skid! My gosh, haaha i was just stunned- and he didnt even apologise! jokes, then he nearly knocked a turning car.

From tomorrow onwards... I've got to study REAL HARD- For lawschool!... I think mama's cooking=D
BRB!

Greetings everyone! I apologize for not updating for so long- Been REALLY BUSY.

So whats up?

LOTS! (Really)

Let's see... a couple of weeks ago, I was suffering form a bacterial tonsilitis infection (holy crap). But I'm ALIVE~ phew...

Li Ting was really sooooooo nice to help me get the nerds ropes! Thanks Bunny!!! XP

And right now, I'm in the middle of the floorball 'A' divisions tournament-league thing. It has been a great experience so far, and I find the fast paced game rather addictive- the adrenaline and energy of the game truly gets me going. So far we've been up against M.I., Y.J. and N.J., all fantastic teams where we experienced a draw, loss, and a win respectively=)

So well... prayin hard for the next few matches =D (just spent 2 hours practicin!)

Anyhow, Just yesterday, before the match with N.J., I got into a really unnecessary arguement with my literature teacher. I shant elaborate the explicit details of the most childish conflict online or I might get caught and forced to make some public apology (For something I... actually... I was just scolded for nothin... so... If ya wanna know the details... just ask me=)

But I must thank Victor and Kenneth for really standing up to make things clear.- How arrogance can get on every sane person's nerve...arg. But fear not guys, I got you covered- I told our form teacher to listen to our side of the story first before swallowing all the first-hand Bu*lsh*t from whomever it may(MAY) concern.

Currently, I've been really busy with floorball... though I really miss rugby. AND, I've yet to find time for 'Art day'. *Sigh*
But once it's over, I'll be back people!

I was really glad that the new coach actually acknowledged me as the touch rugby- boys captain=)
Thanks

So that's for my sports life

Now for my studies. I passed only 2 H2 subjects (dang.)

For Lit-I passed, but I really had thought I could have gotten higher with my content.
For Geog- I failed by 1.75 marks... not forgetting that I missed a 25 mark question because I thought I could have done either one of the two 25 mark questions (I must admit that it was REALLY Dum)
I failed Chinese B- passed the compo part (I know.. fail is fail but hey, I can't read and I'm still tryin!=)
Math went suprisingly well, disregarding the fact that I still failed.
And Econs, I passed- Just passed- but I really could have done better (If only I read the correct source!)

So ever since, I've been tryin to squeeze time to study a lil here and there, starting from term one work- In other words, I'm pretending that I just entered a JC in July.

My day?- was pretty interesting? well... it wasn't bad=)
Straight after COP, Glen, Victor and I went to Cityhall to play Local Area Network games(Can you believe it? Charles is actualy playin games?) But the most suprising part of it was that I could play CS- pretty suprising well for a complete blockhead for the game! (*cough* I was the *cough cough* top fragger *cough*) It was really funny hearing the kid beside me curse and swear after I killed his character while I was just laughing at the fact that I actually managed to hit someone. (He eventually decided that I was looking at his scrren( I wasn't ) and he turned the entire monitor away (HAHAHAHA) Then the child prodigy started lookin at my screen (Your Welcome!=) Jokes! It's just a game dude! hahaha.

Random fact- It has been more than a year since I've last played LAN games at all (WOW~). And four hours straight made me desperate to find a tree to fight myopiaX)

So then Glen and I went to have lunch, and we made our ways home. I went to serangoon to meet up with Joevenn to study (Which we did... a lil) then I thaught him how to play floorball. He left early so i stayed on till about eleven thirty, practicing running with the holey ball (It was tiring I tell you!). And finally, back home.

I've been thinking alot lately- kinda like always.

Everytime I try to talk to you
I forget when I want to be perfect too
Everytime I try to pull a smile
The weight of my thoughts make me lost for awhile
Don't get me wrong because you really get to me
It just comes five seconds later and then you'd see

See me jump, squeal and rhyme
Muffled in action like a fanatic mime
Is my hair out of place
Heart beats out of pace
A galloping steed winning the race

But I don't know how to begin
All the courage locked in
It'll be my own sin
If I don't ask you in

I know what to do
But it doesn't make sense cause its you
I needa be something different, be something new
Be who I am
Be the one who began
And reach for that hand
With a touch, not to end.




I Lay onto velvet Empyrean
Keeping real, your sweet thaughts aLways


CHAD

What are the odds?

Now

Here's an update of my mm.... messed life? Jokes!. The exams have just ended, and I must say with one of the most inexplicably stupid end too. I can't believe I missed out a 25 mark question! I realised how much supposedly study time i've spent doing everything unproductive. Of my so thunderously pledged 'to-dos' I've done almost none- or non e to be exact. I guess I underestimated time- or overestimated myself... or maybe both. It really sucks thinking of it.

Anyways, it was really nice to see you again, and yea, it did take me completely aback when you appeared- probably messed up my mind so bad that screwed up!- Just Kidding=)

"The side of my eye
Saw your contrast with the backdrop sky
It couldn't have been how your steps came closer
Though not for me, but it took me over
One called my name and I chose not to believe
I turned away for a moment relieved
Turned to face another hundred eyes
Telling me I can't disguise
The racing heart, the running mind
Simply to say- I lost track of time-

I've been on some movie spree recently:
Watched Fantastic Four with Glen on wednesday (Geog would be tomorrow)
Watched Hot Fuzz with Glen @ Nine on Thursday
Came home, took a shower and watched 300 with dad (He fell asleep)
Today (Friday) I'm gonna watch transformers with Dad and Bros.

Take it from me, Hot Fuzz is one of the best shows I've ever seen- wonderful British Humor!

So now after all the time I had to do the things I wanna do have completely slipped through my fingers, I'm gonna (finally) go through the entire mid-year syllabus (bit by bit and shred it really). And I'm guessing, while all of you are enjoying after exams day, I'd be in some place studyin my ass of on a topic you'd probably laugh at. But yea, I need to nail my studies- about time too... or a little late.

Then... I've got the other things I wanna do (swears*- about the expected time constraint. I'm probably gonna have to livelike the Hot Fuzz character, on the dot.)

# Floorball...'A' Divs- gotta practice.

#Touch Rug... Oh well, if anything's up and they decide I should know, as tentative vice cap, then yea, I'll be here=)

#Joe, Kev and I intend to have an art day (very looking forward to it)

#The Crew! We have to do PeiCai's teacher's day

#And I've yet to record (sorry Faizal, you will get the first copy, and I wanna say, I really appreciate you're most enthusiastic support.

#Contact Rugby... I always have to ask myself, how far can we go? But it's really fun- I just gotta warm up to some people=)

#Ivan did ask me to join basketball- I'm up to the challenge, but not the time- sorry dude, if I finally get the time I'll play, but I don't wanna do anything I'm not gonna put my heart fully in to.

#I hope that's all... Oh yea...Free Running! (Glen! look @ what you've done! Now I've got another Extreme sport on my mind!!!!!!)

In four minutes I'm gonna get ready and pack my bag.

School's gonna start... And I'm in the holiday mood- yea seriously (A lil late also I know, but the holiday didn't feel like one at all) HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- not funny










HAHAHHAHA

ok it's eleven thirds- See ya!

Looking forward to the next half- year!

All the best people,

Cheers!

Today was... what happened today?
Oh yea... jokes, I woke up seeing a text from Glenn saying he cant make it for gym today so i dropped the phone and plonked straight in bed. HAHAHA then he thought I already went but forgot to bring my phone (cuz I plonked without replying) and took a cab there- sorry! So at nine, I woke up and replied- It's ok, no worries- and he was already on his way there! He called me up and I was... "oh no...you gotta be kiddin me". So i rolled out of bed and ran to the iron to iron my uniform- I was a wreck and stuffed my bag with whatever I thought I needed. And even without socks I strapped on my blades and flew to the bus stop. Notice I didnt mention washing up at all? Missing the morning wash was still ok... but I forgot to bathe the day before- dont worry, I felt as disgusted as you do now- HAHAHHAHAHAHA!

So we gymed still

and never used our blades after = I lugged it all the way to school

And I attended this seminar... wasn't completely useless but... well.... ok , I had a good time drawing=)

After that, I sat around the canteen and hung out with Esther, Sandran, Victoria and... Ah.... yea i think that was all there after andd they were contetmplating on wether to watch a movie or not- they ended up watching an old flick on Wee Sin's lappy while I realised i had tuition at home in em... what was it... fifteen minutes?- HAHAHHAHAHA- not funny.

Tuition was fun=)

Then I went home to... no i didnt... I went to ppopular! yeap, and finally signed up for a students card. I kinda spent the rest of the day at home clearing my wreck of a room and it actually looks neat again! *claps!*

The rest of the night was spent on msn and listening to music- plus buying dinner for dad and I=)

Heres to you=)

SS-Awake

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.

And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breath, it is dear. So please stay near.


Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Well, I guess I've officially decided that... I'm not gonna study this week. I'm going to slack... and slack... and slack. Yupp I guess this isnt exactly a polishing impression, but... i know what im doin=)

Anyhow, about my day... it was pretty uneventful for the first half. Except for the part where I went to meet the Aquila Excos to dicuss the entire organisation. I volunteered to design the board and, *claps* they liked the idea! *phew*

And in the evening, Hamim Audi and I went jamming! It was fantastic! (Like it is for almost every jamming session I go to) and we played songs like, 'Your Guardian Angel' and 'Wherever You will Go'. Thanks guys! It was really fun!

Uh yea... and I am burnt, very burnt from yesterday's tournament! My entire face is falling off(skin only=) but yea, its bad enough. Anyhow, I hope everyone is having a real happy holiday! (I know it don't exactly feel like one but...=D)

Anyhow, here's one of my favourite songs by RJA:

Your Guardian Angel:

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

An angry poem

You can't blame me for how I feel
Lacerations twitch my kneels and blisters scale my heels
And my heart winds the reels
You can't blame me for how I feel
The hooks gone rusty
But still be no catch
I burn the fire
But no ferry I fetch
I'll be clenching these fists so tight
And squeeze out these tears of a melancholic night.
So what if the acid burns my filled stomache
When I'm starving in a famine of broken dreams
She walks this way, and walks away
Steps over the letters which I've strung and lay
And I wanted to stand point and lead
But now i'm left where open wounds bleed
Explicities roll off my tongue,
Blunt as my mind
And the wants for a change
Becomes a suffocating bind
And the best locks where my closest feelings be kept
Morph to an open floor where the winds have them swept
Angst says maul in vengence
Conscions fence me in sane defence
But of all the wars I indulge, in a punishment gluttony
There is one of the all which instead devours me
The mountains I cannot move, the rivers I can never change
The noise I cannot silence, and the happiness in mocking range
Sure I am angry, but what do you care?
Give me an example of one time, anywhere
Shovelling feet carry me through the bars and i'll lock myself up
The walls will scream out graffiti depressions while I down a poison cup
Even perspiration will race to keep a distance of my fluctuating thoughts
And the pulsating rythm shallows in eroding clots
I cant sleep because my intuition is twisted
And more twisted it becomes when the night races pass me
I am angry that I cant think of confide
Only to lead myself to social suicide
So upon a passing soul I plead for a dime
Roll on the floor like a demented mime
To recieve a palm of treason injustice
So I cling to its ankles with desperate practice
To taste the shun of an even more broken charade
Impale my discrimination in the charade parade
I'd say **** the world but there are nicer words to use
to describe a heart splintered into my skin,
A mind far abused.

Charles

The 'holidays' have already started and I haven't got anything done yet. Yea I have worked out a lil. Bladed relatively much (had a great time blading with Glenn, thanks=) , hung out alot. But I haven't had an inch of academic progress. I gotta start soon. So... waht's been going on so far? I apologize if i appear cynical in this post, but it was sheer internal tension that has driven me to update this blog. I had a floorball tournament last saturday and... it was a good experience, got third i think. I could have done better, but my mind far exceeded my body in lasting there. Well done guys. And oh yea... there was the passing out ceremony for school leaders.

I thought it was really cool that the captain position for touch was going to some really nice mate. But i cracked like a glass when I saw it fall in her hhands instead of mine. Something in me knew that if it weren't her, it'd have been me. And I have yet to swallow it, I really wanted it, I guess I wasn't enough. -stares at screen-

There slips something else, right through these fingers

Project work is getting on my nerves, not at all because of the people im working with- they're great people, but its because this subject feels like a huge road block, a tangled knot on a string, its just in the way. And I cant just overlook it.

Today, there was a touch Rugby tournament, well done girls- it was a good experiencec at least= and we can all learn from it. I felt the main factor there was speed, but you'd all stab me for making you run too much. Yea, i'd help if I were something.

But something was missing, and it wasn't a position.

It was an empty space.

And after the game, 6 hours later, we went for dinner, Glenn, Moses, Mas, Ting and I. It was nice getting to know them better and they are all wonderful people to me, interesting too. There was of course alot to learn.

What's that saying which refers to the situation of having a great day crushed at its end?

I guess it was a little hard for me to smile and lie through my teeth, but yea. I hate to point out names, and I guess by now you'd have known. But how the hell can anyone expect tact when tact isn't in their dictionary in the first place?

I need some sleep, but my minds' yet to feel tired.

and there is so much more to say...

I am definitely not in the right state of mind today.

Today was sports day, got a silvere medal for 4 by 4, i figured it was a really big achievement for me.
Had GP test and Chinese B one too.

' The world waits for no one'

I am terribly tempted to twist that line with love

'But I'll wait for you-'

Why?

'Because you are my world'

Yea I've been having all these insane build ups of stress anger and joy.

I had fun mingling with the crowd and making new friends, one of which I remember was 'fifi'

'But the hustle and bustle become a silent noise'

What? yea, I cant stop, it just keeps coming. I don't quite understand all these poetic things which come to my mind. I guess -

'It came its time to begin, The dormant Love bird within awakes to sing'

I will score no less than Bs for my summer test.
I will record the 'Troubled Clleff'
I will floor the ball sport.
I will gain 4 kgs
I will break in the moves for august

'Something snapped within when something closed without
Something rose to begin, when something died out.'

'I'll silence it before the first note
And I'll write over the lines I first wrote'

All said-

Seven days pass and nothing's amiss
Hearing the same calling, trying to be bliss
Even If I had to, believe not I'll try
Sympathy dont matter, may it not if you cry
Anything would be better
If you left me alone
Deep in you know, such is true to the bone

I know it is not true
Something I can do
Anything if it be
I just want nothing but you
Did it not come out right?

Where do you get such empty hopes?
Everyone listens but with so much to cope.
So I know I'm not the best, but the best that I can,
Anything for you, everything I am!
I don't think you quite get it, or more choose to believe not
Do you not see my actions, I want you to be forgot.

I believe anything can be, can you at least try to see?
Care not do I yet, I don't want us to be.
Reasons I cannot help are the odds that I'll fight!
It is no one's fault if you lose slumber tonight.
Everything my Love! Everything I'll give!
Do thyself a favour, and take oneself's leave.

Charles

Hello everyone=) Back to journal entries! 'Where do I start? I'm already lost!' I can't say life's been pretty... pretty? yea, I am starting to detest the workload very much and yea, although I hate to admit it, I must, I've failed practically every test so far. 'All the worlds' piling on me'. I can't sleep again, but I doubt I'd be up till three like the last morning. Besides the suffocating mount of homework, I've been having alot to sort out too, CCAs. I do wonder if my over ambitiousness had over taken me when I ddecided to join floorball. Don't get me wrong, the people are a fun lot, but I dont exactly fancy the idea of being unable to put in a hundred and one percent in whatever I do. But I'm in it, and I have to hold onto my obligation to give my best. I can't wait for June, when I'd finally get to purchase my own floorball stick. We're having a friendly match against NTU this saturday, tomorrow, and I am absolutely unprepared with only two sessions of practice. But still, I'll go for it=)

I just went up to my dad's room to check if he was home, and happened to glace at a photo of me and my two younger brothers there. Something struck me, guilt. I felt ripped inside for some reason. Somehow I had wished they could go back to the time when they were younger, and I'd take care of them, the way I can't now, like a bigger 'kor'. I recall how I always thought they were a hassle, and now that I only see them once a week, they've become a 'hassle' I miss. They aren't exactly doing well in school, and I know they need me, unconsciously to guide them, I'll find the time, I have to.

My dawgs in the hood aren't in the best times. I don't know if I'm in the position to say anything in detail, but we really gotta pull through. We gonna run it on teacher's day- Slip slide pass we know who what when where and why and we gonna find how to serve em up. 'It's the respect that's keepin us goin'

The june holidays are coming and I'm actually quite excited. Though studys' gonna be the main flow of everything, I've got things on the list to tick off. Glen and I are gonna 'burn it' for rugby, the hood and I 'run it' for august, I and I 'crash it' for floorball tournament, Joelle, Keniston, and I gonna 'chinga chang' out our first album (I really hope it pulls through), and I've got to finally spend some time with Mum, and I wanna spend some time wit you...

But I guess the real Icing on this life of mine is far out of reach.

It's really ironic how the easiest things to do become so hard, like saying... anything, anything at all, like smiling or forgetting it all.
I'm guessing by now, you already know,
Cause it's been louder than the words which were saying so,

May all the world witness what I speak inside
Yesterday's feelings just come back and hide
Hoping they'd stay there and never come out
Everything goes blur when it's you I hear about
Anything becomes nothing when I catch sight of you
Remembering how it was so easy to walk right on through
Take my heart, like it wakes to your name
Intense it becomes as a passion of flame
Sober and silent, in a sweet summer setting
All of my prayers for one single blessing
Cold or warm or both at a time
Repeating those seconds over in my mind
Yet in the Empyrean of your presence I feel as fragile as strong
Singing the chorus of the closest love song
Take my heart to make or to break
Anything I'd do - any risk I would take
Living this life would be living a lie, If I said when I saw you, my heart didn't fly

Charles

Lock to Unlock

I can't say life is complicated
But it is miles away from easy
There are so many things to do
And I probably forgot anything but busy
I probably forgot everything except work
I probably forgot everything but strain
I probably forgot what I've forgot
Then again, probably not

I haven't forgot, and I know I can't
I try to forget, but it keeps coming back
Back to the time I tried waving at you
And even the time my words tried to pull through
How I keep stumbling on the breath which called out your name
And the smile which left me far from the same
There are so many things but you keep coming on top,
All the world is piling, they're not letting me stop

I've got somewhere to go, and I'm starting again
I'm rollin the dice, but this isn't a game
I've got somewhere to go but there's something I should do
Because every little move is drawing me to you
I better lock up my heart because I'm already falling
Lock it away because I hear your name calling
I still look around to see if you're around
And I unconsciously hope you're all safe and sound
I'll lock up my heart and I'll throw the key away
But i hope, somehow you'd find it by the end of the day

I've got somewhere to go, and just so you know
I want you right with me, wherever I go.


Charles

My Cure

The Pain in my head takes only a pill,
A grumbling stomache yearns for a fill,
The blistering heat makes me long for a shade
While the slump Fatigued body cries for a bed.

Now I am down with a drifting mind
And this lonely heart becomes empty in time,
No one doctor may prescribe me a pill
And I can't ignore the symptoms which kill
I try to forget, forget that you're near
That I'm sick, Love sick to tears
But I am clinging to the life of the hope in your eyes
My emotions are thirsty for the courage, to break it's disguise

The pain in my head takes only a pill,
A grumbling stomache yearns for a fill,
The blistering heat makes me long for a shade
While my slump fatigued body cries for a bed

So fill my heart, brimmed with your love
A cherry tree shelter while the sun smiles above

I wanna be more,
I wanna be yours,
You are my Love Sickness

You are My Cure.

End

Hope you all Enjoyed my little novella! anyhow, read from the bottom up yea (for those who just started=)

All I want you to know

I knew I'd never be able to get to her... not anytime soon, not this lifetime at least.

I had recently participated in a talentime competition held in the college. I sang a song, I guess it'll be our song.
"If I were an Angel, you know you should be by my side
And I cant, no I can't care about the stars in the sky at night,
I would tear, I will tear, I would tear my wings off,
I would dive, I would dive, I would dive to your side
because I see my brighter heaven,
deep in your eyes."

I didn't win, because i didn't manage to sing the whole song, while on the verge of drowning in my own tears in front of a thousand students.

Saph, I miss you.

I may be seventeen, and I may have a long way in life to go.
But I know where I want to go after my last breath.
After earning my ticket to heaven, I would walk, run and fly...


...until I found a garden,
one with black roses all around.
And I'll sit on a bench, right beside you.
I'll hold you hand and never let go, and I'll tell you everything...
that I missed you,
that all I thought of was us...
And that-
you know I Love you too.

When I went home without a heart

Saj and Natasha sent me home, I was too weak to stand up on my own. I just didn't feel like moving, my body had become numb, light with the weight of a missing heart. I sat, slumped against the wall beside my bed, eyes swelled and in slits. My mother tried coaxing me into telling me what happened, but my petrified state outran her patience till even she began to heed Natasha's advice of giving me some time alone. Slowly, the wind started whistling, i had thought it was going to rain. But instead, I wass greeted with a thump on my head, it was the black book. The wind must have blown it off the shelf and it fell open to a new page. I had never came across this entry, but I was glad I did then.

(Entry)
I wish I didn't have to leave. But we can't fight heaven. I never allowed myself to admit it, but... WHy is it only after I decide that I have fallen in love that I have to leave? You know I love- (the last word was smuged, a tear?)

I began to cry again, pride had little to no value for me as I let myself sob and wail like a newborn. I wanted to see her so badly, I needed to see her, I had to tell her something. There were countless instances where I wanted to take my own life just so I could pay her a visit, permanently. But taking your own life only sends you to hell, the furthest place from her.

I misss you Saph.

Don't leave me

Chad limped all the way, almost instinctively to... Sapphire.?
She was there, standing in the flesh. To Chad, he saw her, and seeing was believing, nothing else mattered.
"Saph!... I knew they got it wrong! Thank God your Okay! I was so worried! Did you see the article?! It said you were-"
"Chad..."
"I know! It's so crazy! How can they say your dead if your right here?!"
"Chad!" She cried, and slowly, tears began rolling down her cheek, before she continued "There's nothing wrong with the article..." Saph stretched out a trembling hand, and passed Chad a familiar sheet of crumpled paper. Chad opened it up, it was the article. This time, he noticed the date, the year, 2004 Three years ago, when the dreams stopped. "No Saph... it can't... your not dead! you're standing right here!"
"They told you Chad, you know already."
"It was a dream! A stupid dream!" Chad began denying his entire encounter with the 'white' voice, quiverring so much in denial that he shook tears out of his eyes.
"Now that you know, I have to go"
"You can't go Saph..." Hoping she could change her mind.
"I can't stay, I'm not even here! See! non of them can see me!" she said, pointing to the huge, puzzled crowd behind her.
Saj was in the front row, watching Chad in utter confusion, why was Chad talking to nobody?
"I don't care Saph! I can see you! I know your here!"
"Chad... I must go"
Saph took her steps toward Chad, and kisssed him on his left cheek, which only made him cry even more uncontrollably. She turned away and began walking toward the oblivious crowd. It was heart shattering as Chad slowly watched as Saph disappeared into thin air, until all he was looking at, was a seemingly frightened parade before him.

The book (Saph's journal)

My favourite place is the Black rose garden. I love just sitting there, feeling the breeze! And I get to clear my thoughts..And sometimes I dream that someone would just sit beside me and hold my hand, and tell me the things I want to hear. Haha, jokes! Sounds alot like heaven to me...

Tell me...

I opened my eyes, but still, I was blind. Everything was white, just plain, untouched white. I couldn't blink because I had no eyelids, when I looked doen, I didnt even have a body.
"Hello?"
-silence-
I watched enough movies to say "Am I in heaven?", I started laughing to myself at how stupid I sounded uitil a surrounding voice boomed at me,
"No"
"Oh shit! I'm in hell?"
-silence-
And then a less dominating voice replied me,
"You're just dead"
"What?"
"They're not gonna make the same mistake again"
"What mistake?"

When I was born, I was dead, I came up in two places at once, I had commited no sin, I popped up in heaven. Inexplicably, the doctor's who deliverd me managed to bring me back, and I fell straight back to earth. My birth was chaotic, how could you go to heaven and come back down? It was broke the 'treaty' that the departed are to stay departed. So hell sent up a few of their minions just to return the favour.
I asked the voice everything, and I got all the answers I could ever want, more than I even asked for.

I could 'see' because in my seconds in heaven I saw spirits, and it became part of my sight.
"They couldn't touch you, so they played with your sleep"
"So why'd they stop?"
"Because they found something more valuable, something they 'can' get."
"What? What was it?" I was starving for knowledge, I knew this was my only source.
"They were after Saph."
"Saph?! They stopped for Saph?"
"Saph had a twin sister-"
"Why Saph?! Her sister killed her! Selphie! They should be after Selphie-"
"Yes, they were...



The angels stood on one end, tall, bright, clean and the nether ones stood on the other, broken, charred, very much dead, both were called upon to collect their souls. Because both of them departed in the same period, both sides met. One was to be taken below for murder, and only one was to be taken above for being victomised in innocence. Sapphire was aware her sister was going to hell, and she learnt in church it was eternal torment. Inspite of the murder, she forgave, forgot, and gave her place up in heaven, the ultimate sacrifice, for Selphie. Saph was good, and hell's finger couldn't touch her. So she remained on earth, all this while.

"Why can't she go up?"

"Because her seat is taken..."

"Is there no way?"

"Her sister will leave, for purgetry and burn"

"Hell?"

"No, The flame which purges sin, and her seat will be ready after"

"She can come back soon"
I had so much to digest, so i decided to ask a lighter question,

"One more thing... do you use toilets in heave- A burst of wind shot forth into my face and a huge hand of light grabbed and threw my from wherever I was, straight into my body- "AH! Eyes opened, I sat up, catching a first breath."
"He's awake!" There were cheers and commotion all over. I was just waiting for an answer. I looked at the crowd of medics, left and right, and caught sight, behind a box of first aid- equipment. I got up, "Wow kid! lie down!" but I didn't listen, and heaved my revived corpse all the way to the field.

Chad's Journal

Ok... A song... what's there to write? Things around me, nice things... rainbows? hahaha ok, i can do better... Mesmerizing eyes? Strings of my heart> What am I writing? hahaha. Anyhow, I just saw a doctor recently, Dad took me, coincidentally, I had some ruptured vessel at the left ventricle of my heart- whatever that meant, in simple English, it meant 'no stress'- so much easier said than done...

General Paper

The thoughts of that kiss lingered on, and I wouldn't think it would linger away anytime soon. It was GP class and the entire class was seated in two neat rows, I was seated on the front seat of a totally different planet. "Class! will you each take a copy of this article? Since this terms theme is about family..." I didn't catch the rest. I was enjoying my foeld trip around the milkyway, but I was pulled back by a web of sighs and shaken words of sympathy. "Thanks Ms Leong" I took the article and turned to Josh.
"Why's everyone so Ugh?"
"Read the article dude.."


'When does sibling rivalry get out of hand, and for those who's differences can't be seen... This tragedy has left fifty-two year old Mr Jason Craig Paralysed after suffering from shock after the breaking news that his-' "So what's the srticle about again Josh?" I asked, hoping to get the two second summary from him, but he hadn't finished the article himself, "Read the article.". "Right, thanks."
I wish I had been my stubborn self and continued bugging him for the detailess summary. I resumed reading and I became anchored to the cold earth, my galaxy field trip vanished. "No!" I shouted! Everyone was stunned at the random expression. Ms Leong rushed over and asked, "What? what happened?" "This didn't happen!" I threw the article on the table and dashed out of the classroom. I didn't know where I was running to but I made for the canteen first, then the hall, then every single classroom, completely oblivious to the way I was barging in like a loose mental patient and vanishing like they just saw a mirage. I ran back to the canteen and started looking under the tables, and I could feel my vision grow blur, my eyes become heavy, and my cheeks become drenched. "Saph!" I stood in the middle of the canteen, surrounded by a crowd of completely puzzled students, "Saph!" I screamed, but she didnt reply. "no..." Blur became black.

continuation to the article-
'his two twin daughters, Sapphire and Selphie, 17 were found dead in Kingston Park just yesterday'

Bye?

Weeks passed and I survived, night after night. I had grown out of the phobia of running into mailmen and grown further in the relationship between Saph and I. It had become a routine for us to take turns paying for dinner, besides the closing gap, nothing else changed, not even her insistence that I couldn't send her home.

"Hey Saj, wanna get something to drink?" I asked, out of courtesy. "Nah, thanks, gonna get a drink for Saph too?" he replied, laughing and shaking his head after. "Right" I acknowledged, and made my way. Natasha had just bought a stack of economics notes and was walking back to the table. "Hey Nat, seen Saph?", "Never see her!". I had to ask Saph something.

Faster than I could remember, we were walking from dinner again.
"Saph"
"Yea?"
"Where were you in school today?"
"Lessons?"
"Hmmm... alright"
"Haha, why?"
"Nothing... Well... I was just looking for you, that's all." I said, with a smile.
"Oh, what for?"
"... I"
"Hmm?"
" Was.. just wanted to check if we were gonna meet for dinner", Why couldn't I have thought of a better excuse?
"We meet every night? Jokes."
"Actually, I just missed you" I whispered to myself.
"What?"
"Nothin!" But I know she heard me.

"Well, here we are.. cya Saph"
"Yea... I wanna buy a drink first"
"It's kinda late, why dont you just drink at ho-"
"Hold on!" She ran off and returned as fast as she did with a bottle of half frozen coke. The thought of her sudden odd craving for frozen softdrinks amused me.
"Ok! done, see ya tomorrow!" She waved and began walking off. She had a habit of never letting me finish what I had wanted to say, I had a habit of finding it cute.
"Oh wait!" she stopped, walked back-
I asked, "Forgot somethi-" My question was interrupted tremendously with a cold(frozen coke I guess) kiss (she skipped away straight after), which sent my mind spinning and my body went numb. I stood there "Did she just..- no...-yes! no! Hahaha! Did she?!Long after she skipped away, i finally stretched out my hand, "Bye?"

O'z dpttu dod

"Morning papa!" I was buttoning the last button of my shirt and at the same time inspecting my appearance in the mirror, "That'll do". Fortunately for me, my dad was more than happy to send me to school for waking up late. I shoved my feet in my brown 'adidas superstars' and unlocked the door. "I'll go down first papa!", "Alright son" he replied. I opened the door and was startled at the sight of a mailman, a large broad man with dark rings around his red swollen eyes and a sharp long nose which stood out between his bony cheeks, who was just about to knock on the door. What was he doing here so early in the morning? "Good Morning Chad..." He knew my name? Totally by suprise, he stretched out his right hand , grabbed my neck and started choking me. I kicked and mauled his arm in a futile effort to release his dead grasp trying to squeeze through his grip a "Let me go!" but all I managed to achieve were hissing noises escaping my lips. I felt the last remaining seconds of breath expend as he said in the most demented voice "I know you see me! I know you see us! Djr od pitd!" My dad opened the door and saw me shivering on the ground wiith tears all over my face.

I told him I fainted, having being asked to see a doctor was bad enough, I didnt need anyone to recommend a psychiatrist, I knew I wasn't mad. That wasn't a dream, my dad saw me. Are they becoming real?

By twelve in the afternoon, I was bored to death, but too weary to do anything normally. The small thought of my morning encounter made me twitch. I spent my afternoon sitting in a corner, trying to piece together all my dreams and find the link to the 'mailman'. It became so demanding on my mind that unknowingly, I fell asleep, which by then I would have begun to want to avoid.

I returned to the bench, the dreaded scene of Saph murdering her helpless friend. Everything was frozen in time like it was waiting for me to recollect and recognize where I was now, and it continued.

The stabbing continued, there was blood splattered all over Saph's arms and behind the gushing and slashing sounds, I could hear sobbing. I think she was crying, I don't think she wanted to kill. But Like one murder wasn't enough, she took the very same blade... and slashed her own wrist. Suicide by guilt? The seconds on her life were slowly ticking away. She kneeled over her friend's dead body and removed her scarf. No, it wasn't possible... it was Saph too. My mind was spinning, nothing made sense at all, my life felt like a box of puzzle pieces from all different boxes. Then the murderer leaned over and said softly, loud enough for me to hear, "O'z dpttu dod" The last word echoed continuously and I slowly opened my eyes.

Another drea-... Nightmare.

A mild gust kicked up a whirl of leaves around my bench while I indulged in a cheeseburger. The night was chilly and the crickets sanng proudly in the background. The park was very much empty, lifeless like the grave which surrounded it, distinguished by a rusty fence. I guess I just wanted some time to myself but there was company. Two people were walking pass me, both girls with scarfs across their faces, best friends I suppose, both dressed in identical outfits, A Timberland sweater, a pair of Lee jeans-It had a huge 'Lee' across the knees, and a pair of black boots. They very much caught my attention, being the only things which were alive in the park. Both of them were laughing and kicking leaves at each other. It was a pleasant sight at first to see people in their youth, happy as they are... until one of them removed her scarf and smiled at me. Saph? The other girl was still laughing to herself as though the other was right beside her. The smile wasn't a happy one, it was wicked. When she blinked, both of her eyes entirely became pitch black as she pulled out from her pocket a knife, long enough to be mistaken for a short sword. I froze, in fear, in horror and again I couldn't move. My mind was running in every direction and chanting. "No, no don't kill her, Saph! don't kill your friend! Or me!, Put it away, please!" Nothing told me anyone was going to get hurt, but I had the worst gut feeling that that knife was going to be used. When her 'friend turned around, it was too late. The unsuspecting victim let out a shriek of raw pain which shattered the peaceful atmosphere, Saph had already lunged the blade far enough for me to notice the purtrusion from the back of her jacket. "No Saph!" I screamed! For the most damned reason, I still couldn't move. It was torture having to see something so terrifying yet not be able to do anything, not even run away. Saph continued stabbing the girl. "Leave her alone! Saph! Saph!"I was screaming, in my mind. The last thing I heard before I awoke from this nightmare, was the victim saying with her last breath, "Draqjor, eju?"

Note!

Hey People! Just wanted to remind you guys that the story begins from the first entries at the bottom so you're gonna have to read from bottom up! Do leave comments too yea=) Cheers!

Another day, not.

The next morning was hard to get through, I was still freshly traumatized by the most recent nightmare. I had a hard time taking down notes, and a even harder time trying to look like I was paying attention. For the first time however I noticed Saph in the same lecture hall as I. She turned around and I waved. Saj sat to my right and Natasha to my left, Josh behind me and Ken to his left. The seating positions were perfect, except in front of me where there was Sasha and May who were unsurprisingly talking about 'hot guys'. I wouldn't have minded if they had such loud conversations during recess when I'd be ten tables away, but I had to put up with it every lecture and tutorial. No, they don't always sit in front of me, but they being a few seats away don't change anything. Halfway through the lecture I was called up by the lecturer, "Chad! please be considerate." I was completely clueless to why she called me, but I then figured out that the noise she heard originated from the two "beauties" in front of me who just refused to 'shut up'. Apparently, they were speaking at a volume which made their voices unspecific but loud enough to be heard. So i was the unsuspecting 'random victim'.Saj turned over "Haha, lucky you are!" I was too busy with my own thoughts to be bothered by the lecturer.

Nat: I'm so bored
Saj: Yea, me too
Me: I'm so bored
Nat: That's what I said.
Me: Oh... haha alright
Lecturer: Chad! One more time!
Josh: Haha, poor boy
Me:...
Nat: Chad, you performing for the concert?
Me:...
Saj:I think he doesn't want to get busted.
Me:hmmm...
Josh: Yo guys wanna go for lunch later?
Saj: Yea!
Nat: Sounds good!
Me: Maybe.
Lecturer: Chad... I want to see you after this lecture
Me(whispering): Shit!
Saj and Nat: Poor Boy!

Once the lecture hall was cleared, I got an ear full for talking too much. Being someone who isn't in need of the teacher's attention, I took it all. Saj and Nat waited for me outside and gave me a warm welcome of laughs upon my exit from the hall, from which we made our way back to the usual spot. I remained at the table to take care of their belongings and Saph came over. "Hey Chad! How's your morning?". Pretty wonderful!" I replied! "That's great!", Saph obviously didn't catch the verbal irony I was using. "Anyhow, Saph, how'd you get inspiration for writing lyrics?" I asked. "Well,"-She took a deep breath, ready to give a speech- "I just write down how I feel about something, someone, anything, everything! Relate it to the things around you, colors, shapes, like a painting" She smiled. I smiled back. "Well, I'll catch you around!" She ran off. "Ah.. Bye?", I don't think she heard me.

Today we were released early because the J2s had a preliminary examination in preparation for their 'A' levels. Saj and Natasha had to stay back because they ran into some trouble with the math teacher, for talking in class. "Haha, poor guys" I thought jokingly.

I walked to the Train station like I always do, but at the crossing I saw Sapphire. She was talking to an old man who wasn't looking at her. "Hey Saph, what's up?". "Oh, hey... It's nothing, I was just helping this blind man cross the road, he's going to the station, you are too right?" she replied. I smiled to myself, "Yea, I'll take him" The three of us walked slowly, quietly to the station and I passed the man to one of the kind passengers who was going to the same stop as him. "That was really nice of you Saph" "Nah, I just wanted to help, makes me feel great!" she said, stretching her arms out, like she had just made a great achievement.
"Saph, you going anywhere now?"
"Nope... are you gonna ask me out?"
"Huh? What?"
"Nothing!"
"Haha, wanna watch a movie?"
"Yea sure!"

We watched 'Far away', which I initially thought was about two people in love who met while going to two far away places and are finding their way back to each other. Instead it was about two people who fell in love and were torn apart by circumstances they couldn't avoid, the male protagonist died in a car crash after pushing the damsel in distress out of harms way. The idea was quite unoriginal, but the sacrifice involved was great enough to make Saph cry. Don't get me wrong, I was watching the movie, but when I turned to see Saph's reaction, I witnessed a tear roll down her cheek.
"I hate the ending!" Saph said, wiping her eyes dry.
"Yea... the poor girl. I hope you enjoyed it!
"I sure did" She sniffed.

I took her to dinner at 'Long John's' again, and she still refused my offer to send her home. I actually believed she'd give in, which explains why I was at the station till eleven and got home after twelve.

My entire family was fast asleep so I sneaked in with muted stealth- if my parents found out I came home so late, they'd ground me for good. After all the 'body maintenance' I finally got to bed, lying flat on my back, staring at the ceiling hoping for something to happen when the phone rang.
"Hey Chad!"
"Hey Saph-"
"Thanks for the movie!"
"Your welcome! haha I'm really glad you liked it"
"..."
"Everything ok?"
"Yea... I really enjoyed myself"
"What are you thinking?"
"Nothing... really"

The hesitation in 'nothing' made it obvious enough that there was something up, and when a girl says 'nothing' anyone who knows better would hear it as 'something', sometimes even 'everything'.

We talked about the movie and shared our twisted feelings about the unfortunate ending, then we moved on to other movies. I can't remember why there was so much to talk about but we talked alot. When I put down the phone, I looked back up at the dark ceiling and it occurred to me. "I think... I think I like her..." I said to myself. I knew i was right, because before she called me, when I was staring at the ceiling and hoping for something to happen,... I was hoping to see her again.

Chad's Journal

Awe man... The fine line drawn between my reality and dreams is getting too fine. Last night was so real. My face kinda hurts but it can't be from that dream... Two huge men, monsters... one victim... me stepping through some... should i see adoctor? hahahahah! ok not funny... dreams dont do that to you. What's up with that wierd book anyway, seems kinda interestin but kinda personal too... dont feel like returning it. Cant anyway, dont know who it belongs to... Owe... damn! did i kiss the wall at night or what?! jokes... gonna paint soon.
Oh man! there's a school concert coming up! I dont feel like going... Mr Lim did ask me to go sing a song or two... ah wells, till next time.

2 Arrivals, 1 Path

"Here you are! It's a boy! Wait, he's quiet.. Doctor!"
"What's wrong?" the lady screamed.
"Calm down mam, calm down, we're gonna do everything to make sure your baby's alright."
"No! Please!"

The place was cool with a constant morning breeze and it was bright, there was a panel of four people, a jury, it was a 'court room'.
"He hasn't even lived his first minute..."
"No he hasn't"
There was a discussion of loud booming voices, from entities in the form of blue flames.
"He can go back..."
"He can..."
"But he has arrived on both worlds at the same time."
"But he'll be different... He'll see more"
"He will..."

*Back into the delivery room*

"Mam clam down. He's Alright"
The doctor said, with a hard earned smile
"Thank You doctor!"
"My pleasure, what are you gonna call him?"
"Chad, my Chad."

Stepping Through

"Hey Saj! you seen Saph anywhere?" I asked with obvious anxiety.
"Nope, I never see her" Saj replied, amused.
"I was supposed to meet her"
"Really? Happy searching!"
It was after school and I hadn't seen Saph the entire day yet. Calling her mobile didn't help because there was no connection for the most inexplicable reasons. Have you ever had those times where you can never find what you're looking for until you've told yourself you'll never find it, in time at least? I waited till five for her to show up, or call, or both, to no avail. As I walked out the school gate however I heard someone calling me from behind, that voice, It was Sapphire!
"Hey Saph!"
"Hey Chad, I'm really sorry for being late!"
I laughed, "It's ok, what did you want to see me about?"
"I've been spending like half a century loafing around so... Yea, I just wanted to hang out" She smiled.

I took her to dinner at 'Long John's' and we talked about anything, too little time for everything, but I had a good time. I learnt that she isn't a big fan of eating, loved walks on cool quiet nights- helps her think about life, but i was most interested in her song writing passion. She wrote songs when she was happy, when she was sad, there was always a song for every occasion. She even promised to sing a song for me some time soon. But she was very secretive about where she stayed or her family, a broken family probably, and I'd probably never know.

"By the way Saph-"
"Yea?"
"What's your CCA? Your in... Net? Soccer? Volleyball?"
There was a second of hesitation before she replied.
"Yea.. I'm in volleyball"
"What's wrong? Don't like it?"
Her hand rose to push away her fringe but I felt it was more of a movement to shelter some sort of uncertainty.
"No, It's nothing" She replied, with an unassuring smile.

Saph refused my offer to walk her home, so much that she refused to move until I got into the train, which explains why we were at the station for two hours, mutual stubbornness. I wondered why she was always seemingly so uncertain about the things around her, she was hiding something.

Upon coming home, a shower, some left over chips and I walked into my room. I was exhausted. I leaned on my door frame and something black caught the side of my eye. I turned and there was the black diary, the one which did not belong to me. Curiosity flipped the book to a random page, curiosity read the random page.

"The uncreatable is being repaired
My senses slowly impaired
I want to go home
I need to go home
Begone to where you've come from
Let me go back home"

It didn't make any sense to me, at that time, it didn't need to, i chucked it on my table and lunged myself towards my bed, straight into a field, this time it was bright.

I guessed it had been morning. And there again, a black figure. It walked to me and said "Hello" I've heard that voice before. From which dream was it? Two more figures had appeared, also black, but they walked to the first figure instead. To my horror the two shadows took out grey chains and locked up the first shadow, screaming to be released. I was screaming too, also to be released, I too was held down, by chains I couldn't see. "Go Away! Let.. let her go!" I leaned forward as hard as I could, with all the might I could possibly conjour and slowly, I was diffusing through my barrier. My vision was blurring as my face, my body was being pulled back and I leaned forward even harder. I made it! My vision became clear again, but everything was in negative, the morning was dark, the shadows now had faces. The two abductors were men, one whose face was covered in unhealed lacerations, oozing green puss while the other's was a burnt bark with only one eye to the left of the face. Naturally, I wanted to run straight at them to let their hostage go, but their faces completely took me aback, they were disgusting, gruesome. Their hostage's face was hidden by long bronze, mildly curled hair, a girl I guessed. I had to help her. I swallowed a prayer "Lord protect me" and ran straight at the two savages, sending the one with the charred face to the ground. I turned around to check if the girl was alright. I saw her face. "Behind you!" I turned to a whip of steel, slashing my face."Ahhh!" I screamed! And sat up, back on my bed, trying to catch a breath. "Where- where" I was swinging left and right, I knew I was home, but it took me awhile to stop looking for that girl, "shit!" I forgot her face.

A Recent Entry in 'The' Book

"I sang in prayer, please let me in,
I've waited enough for thee so great,
On my knees I bow to thy power
Let thee be thy pillar thy tower,
Another prayer i make for thy blessed space
And I be there for my prayer's place"

Something Wrong

I felt like a convict, boarding a caged vehicle which would transport me to some prison, guilty of scathing my impression on my friends. Tapping my credit pass, I weaved through the thick crowd to find a standing spot, but instead, I found a seat, inexplicably unoccupied almost as if it were deliberately left vacant for me. I sat... only to look up to a hundred eyes staring straight back at me. The strangest sensation ran down my spine like a millepede. I had no idea what was going on, no suprise. I swung my head around, seriously, everyone was staring at me. Was the seat meant to be vacant? I stood up but the eyes remained on me. "Is oy joz.."One by one they began what seemed like chanting, fixed in their places. "od oy him.." And it became louder. "What? What's wrong?" i said, and then shouted. It seemed as though so many things were happening at once then the driver suddenly hit the breaks, i was thrown, not just at the crowd, but through it. I diffused straight through their bodies, and the heads turned, following my suspended animation but none moved a muscle to catch me. I fell hands down and tumbled to the front, pushed myself up and the driver leaned over " Are you ok? Damn van, bet it was a lady! Really sorry boy" "Yea, i'm ok... it's ok" But really, it wasn't. I felt as if when the driver hit the breaks that I was thrown into another bus because the bus was now empty.

I got off the bus once it reached Farright Ave, and dragged my terrified body home past the usual diner, across the highway, past the signboard "Highway to hell", past th- I swung my head back, " highway to heathrend", I was seeing things, too many things to count, straight to my door.

By the time I had gotten ready for bed my nerves were wrecked beyond recognition and my heart had become numb from all the beats it had skipped. I closed my eyes, and again my heart skipped to the ring of my phone. "Who in heaven's name would call me at this- Oh... Hi Saph... What's up?"
"Hey Chad, sorry for calling so"
"It's ok really"
"I just wanted to..."
"to?"
"Can we hang out after school tomorrow?"
"Are you askin me out?"
"huh?"
"I'm just kiddin!"
"Alright, see ya tomorrow" i said with a sleepish smile.
"Thanks"
"Your We-" She hung up.
I fell asleep with my head on the phone.

Three

I finished up the last touches of my latest masterpiece and left it at the corner beside the maple book shelf before my handphone started ringing. "Hello?" "Yo Chad, wanna hang out tomorrow? You me and a few classmates at east coast beach?" "Hi Saj. Sure". The place to meet was at Bedok train station, the time, two in the afternoon, I was half an hour early. So i dug into my bag for some impromptu entertainment, exactly what i found. I pulled out a small black book, obviously well used with worn edges and the pages were of a coffee stain color indicating age. This book clearly did not belong to me. Curiosity flipped open the first page and written in light pencil, "I was lost and here I am. Still am lost, but do I want to go home?" And in black ink, at the bottom right hand corner, "Dear Diary-" That was all I was allowed to read before Saj's head popped right in front of my face. "Yo dude! Whats up with that wierd book? Let me see it!" snatching it away from my hands. "That's not mine" I cautioned him. "Yea, I guess so, why're you staring at all this.. eh, I dont know" Saj, flipped the book close and passed it to me. I put it back into my bag, to welcome the others who had just arrived, forgetting that the book wasn't mine.

Once the entire group gathered, Saj, Natasha, James, three other 'new people' and I, we acknowleged with a nod and made our way to the beach, where we sat along the shore and waited for the sun to set, I sat at the extreme right end and James beside me. Yes, we were amusingly early, the sun wasn't going to set until around four hours later but we had alot to talk about. "So, who are the new people?" I asked him. He turned his head and gave me a look, indicating how clueless he was about my question. "The new guy and two girls who are joining us?" I asked again, amused at how stupid he looked. "Oh! well, they're really friendly people and it'll be fun working with them. Why're you asking? I thought you already knew them?" I was lost at two things he said. They being 'friendly' obviously confused me because throughout the entire trip, i didnt hear them utter a single word at all, I actually believed for a moment that they were mute, and I could have sworn I had never seen them before in my entire life.

At around eight, the seven of us dined at a nearby hawkercentre called "Ah Sing's coffeeshop". I had a bowl of beef noodles which actually included a suprisingly generous portion of beef. "How's your food Saj?" I had asked to break the silence" "It's ok" he replied, letting the silence fill the place again. "So how's yours?" I asked one of the 'new people', The day was almost ending but i still haven't got their names, I didnt really care. "I just said it was ok" Saj said. "I'm not asking you" I replied. Saj rolled his eyes as though I was trying to irritate him. Then I finally got my reply, an odd one, "We're just eating to fit in really." "You didn't have to buy food if you weren't hungry man." I told him, Saj and James shot me a look which said, 'stop acting wierd' and Natasha told me "Chad, will you just eat and stop tryin to be funny?", and the silence returned.

Just as we all were going our separate ways home, I had noticed that only Saj, James, and Natasha and i were left. The 'new' people must have left earlier without saying goodbye. "Chad, why'd you ask about the three new people again? and whats up with that book of symbols?" Symbols? I immediately took the book out, having no recollection of any symbols, flipped open the first page- in the place of the English words i read just before we met, were scribbles, doodlings? Symbols? i shook my head in disbelief, "There were words! It said err.. something like 'I was lost". They obviously didn't believe me. Trying to hide my apparent insanity I countered "So whats up with your suprise friends who just left without saying bye? Friendly huh?" "What friends Chad?"Natasha asked, appearing a little frustrated. "The three which just left!" I said, much louder than I had intended. " There were only four of us Chad! What three?" Saj said, obviously tired of the non-sense I was making. And I was baffled, how could there have been only four of us? There was Natasha, Saj, James.. those three people? I spoke to them. They were there... I saw them! This must be some conspired joke against me... I had hoped it was... It had to be.

The conversation ended with a most obscure ending, no one knew what was going on. Saj and Natasha left me with "This ain't funny Chad, see ya next week dude." I sinply waved goodbye to prove that i wasn't deaf.

My bus arrived.

Back

The dismissal bell sounded through the school and like escaping fish, students streamed out of their classrooms. I walked with the flow toward the canteen, passing a notice 'Student Concert- share your talent!', and planted myself at the 'usual' spot, a table smack in the centre of the canteen with a pillar behind the east bench. "Hey Chad!" The ageless cheer, it was Sapphire - she had mid length black hair which fell across right side of her face like a curtain covering her bright smiles which always reminded me of the sun, lightening gloomy days. I had just recently got to know Sapphire even though she claimed to be from the same batch of first-intake students into the college. But how was it possible? She wasn't short, and her estatic laughter was unmistakable! How could I not notice her existence till now? "Hey Saph" I replied before she skipped away toward the foodstalls."Talking to your imaginary friend again?" And this was Saj, a pegasus who was posted to the same class as I after dropping science for arts, large built reaching eight feet but his braces granted a more friendly appearance than one would usually have. "No, I'm not. Why'd you guys keep making fun of her? She's nice". Well, she'd be much nicer if she asked me out on a date" Saj remarked. "Right, dream on yo, I've got math to do". I sucked at math, it is a rare sight to see a passing grade on my report and i consider myself, exceptionally lucky to have got through my O's with a 'B4'. "Going anywhere later Chad?" Saj asked, biting his pen cap. "Yea, gonna start on another painting"I replied "Another dream?" "Probably" I mumbled.I loved painting, my hobby since my first stroke. Most of the time, I just painted anything which crossed my mind while holding the brush. Occasionally I just enjoy making swirls of different colors. But i must admit that my most outstanding pieces, are inspired by my dreams.

It was late in the evening by the time I had returned home and I went straight to my studio because I felt it was unnecessary to shower only when I'd get paint all over myself again. Either that or I was just lazy. "Paints... water... brush.. alright, now what?" I spent a few moments in a daze, in thought, searching for something to paint. But it wasn't because I didn't already have something in mind, I was trying to avoid it, my most recent dream.

I was sitting on a bench, in a field of black roses, staring into the sky, counting the stars. I had been there for hours and had eventually lost count but still looked at each star for a second to acknowledge its presence, to thank it for accompanying me in the dark. Out of nowhere a hand of ice touched my arm and I froze, too afraid to look at who was suddenly beside me. From the edge of my eye, I saw a figure, a woman, a shadow, all black and I felt a link to the dreams I had years ago. I was shivering from either fear, or the cold, or both. "Oz jrtr, fpmy nr dvstrf" it.. she, whispered into my ear, words I couldnt understand, but i stopped shiverring, her touch felt cold no more and gradually became warm, comforting. Seconds later, a huge gust of wind surged across the field from the left and there were black petals thrown all over. Her hand cluctched onto mine like a child afraid to be lost at a large carnival. I gripped onto the the hand with as much strength and with my other arm tried to shelter my face from the flowery storm. I struggled to keep my eyes open against the stinging of the chaotic petals but it overcame me and faded. When I opened my eyes again, I was on my bed with the sun beaming through the windows, I was late for school again.

After three years the dreams came back to me, dreams with shadowy figures with ice-cold skin. This was the fifth night in a row sice they returned and I wonder, why they came back. Or was it how they went away?

Awoke

All of a sudden he pushed himself off the desk, an uncontrolled reflex, and he sat there sweating all over as though he had been running for hours on end. In front of him lay an unfinished whirlpool of lost strokes and soulless colors. "shite" Fatigue had taken a toll on both his body and mind and slipped him into a dark chasm. It was dark, but still he could see shadows, blacker than pitch darkness, creeping closer and closer. "Hello? Who are you? Who's there?" But they just continued their silent approach toward him. The shadows had no face and the human shape was no reason to believe they were anything close to 'human'. With every closer step, his heart pounded harder and harder, and harder like someone was kicking a locked door open, but he couldn't move, his mind was a prisoner of his body, the realisation of this immobility struck him like a bolt of fear, even the luxury of screaming was robbed from him. Soon enough, the throbbing in his ears became deafening, he was standing in a crowd of black in black. He could feel breath from the crowd of shadows, but still he could see nothing. One shadow leaned over almost kissing his cheek and whispered into his ear "Upi str sapmr"- What did it mean? The language was most foreign but it had to mean something because he became white with fear, almost as if he was glowing in the dark and suddenly he was standing there in a pool of blood, his own, which gave up their vessels for panic to run in. (Drained of blood? I must be dead! But I'm still in my body?! Help!)

The messenger sealed the whisper with a kiss of blistering cold which left a sharp pain under his skull, and together with the others, turned away to return back into the black from which they were manifested from. "No! don't go! Please don't go! Come back!" Chad screamed, without even noticing the return of his voice. First he wanted to be nowhere near the shadows, and now he is begging them to stay. With each step farther, the throbbing became more overwhelming, the pain growing more unbearable,the veins along his temples started spreading across his face like a web trapping him from escaping a torture chamber- his own screaming echoed along with the throbbing into a single mass of insane noise and the pain pierced through his brain, ensuring the merciless massacre of body and mind. Upon reaching breaking point, the entire scene cracked like a blow to a television screen and shattered into a million pieces which formed back with the first blink he made, when he awoke at his desk. It was all a dream, a nightmare. There was still a pain in his head but now it was a mere headache from 'thinking too much'. His undried masterpiece became his temporary bed- he was covered in oils.

"What a nightmare" Chad said to himself as he showered the paints off his body. Being so tired he missed a patch on the left side of his face. He stood in front of his mirror to locate the stain, however, the moment his eyes met with his reflection, a full body of a black void walked out of the wall and kissed him, he began blinking madly and he was back. "It was only a dream, it was only a dream... a dream" It was clear the dream was far more tormenting than any other he had survived, but his self reassurance seemed to be enough, he began breathing normally, calmly again.

He only managed to wipe off half a smudge before he stopped breathing- his cheek was familiarly cold.

18March07

As we all can see, I've just started another blog, a long while from my last one which i foolishly abandoned in a tragic twist of fate, one which i hope will untwist itself.

My name is Charles G. Low. I just recently picked up a habit of reading (3 days ago), some other hobbies are rollerblading, dancing, singing, touch rugby and writing.
Part of this awesome band, The 'Troubled Cleff' which includes Joelle, Keniston, Victor and I.
I really hope we can go somewhere with our music.
Also from the Awesome Rising Crew, Joe, Shauna, Ken, Jordin, Ying Qi, El Roy and I.
I aspire to be a corporate lawyer, a grad from Harvard.
By the end of my life, I hope to build a school for the poor in either Vietnam or Cambodia, or both if possible:)
In my blog I'm also writing a short story which I'll update here and then called "Presence". I've already started on the first chapter 'Awoke' and this story will be in white. Anything with my personal life or anything else for that matter will be in yellow.
Hope You enjoy my Blog!